Ask Tiggy: What Happens Next, pt. 2

Jul 15, 2021 | 2013 Summer - What Happens Next? Pt. 2, Ask Tiggy Upland

Dear Tiggy,

Just came out today as bisexual to my therapist and one friend. Not sure where to go from here. Business as usual?


Dear Jenn,

People come at bisexuality from all sorts of directions. Some assume they are straight until they feel otherwise; others try identifying as lesbian or gay until they realize that bisexuality is a better fit. There are some who become aware that a partner’s gender doesn’t matter to them… whereas others realize that a certain gender matters much more to them than they originally thought!

But there’s another set of paths to bisexuality that I think is key to deciding how to proceed: whether you entered the bi universe through action or thought. If you find yourself in a relationship with a person whose gender is at odds with your sexuality label, you’ve got the action down. Now, you need to come to terms with your label and your loved ones. I’m reminded of a friend who once turned to me and said, “I’m not sure how long I can go on calling myself a lesbian when I keep having sex with men.” She was an act-now-think-later kinda gal.

On the other hand, you may have had a bisexual epiphany. You’ve done the mental work; what’s next is discovering who you connect with in this incredible new way. I think George Michael had it right: “It’s hard to be proud of your own sexuality when it hasn’t brought you any joy. Once it’s associated with joy, and love, it’s easy to be proud of who you are.” Jenn, get out of your head and get into the open arms of the bi community. We’re here as part of your journey, and you’re now part of ours. Find your joy in us.


Are you a bi lady in need of some good advice? Write to Tiggy Upland at This advice column is for entertainment purposes only. The columnist reserves the right to edit the letters for any reason. Find more Ask Tiggy on

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