By Amethisté Allustria Amor
Mine will never be the loudest voice in the room
I don’t always have the strength—or the time and energy—to waste
To butt into people’s cruel, uneducated conversations
I can’t fathom or articulate the words to express my distaste.
I don’t want to be hurt or make myself unsafe.
To fight with people who don’t wish to learn or understand
Anything bigger and deeper than what’s on the surface.
Mine is the silent rebellion: the self expression;
The pin badges that tell a million tales of who I am and what I stand for.
The clothes that present me in beauty beyond the realms of gender binary,
The bright colors, pride flags, dopamine dressing, all of which I adore.
The love of which I receive and reciprocate,
Sheer, queer joy; my beautiful chosen family.
The embracing of love, and rejection of hate.
Seeking community, seeking unity, creating safe circles of joy,
In a world which seeks to divide.
Performing on stage; unapologetic representation
Refusal to not just survive; permitting myself to soar and thrive.
“Hate the sin, not the sinner”; the hypocrisy of the self righteous.
For it is in fact we who do not hate.
We stay pure of heart, kind and respectful in the face of adversity.
We choose to “forgive those who trespass against us.”
No matter how much they hurt, disrespect, and berate us.
Believe me, I am angry, I am hurting as of late;
There’s a painful burning fire in my chest and in my soul.
There’s repressed tears stinging my eyes and forming a lump in my throat,
draining me and taking its toll.
Yet I continue to show up, quietly but unapologetically me.
A smile on my face, the joy of immersing myself in our beautiful queer culture
The love in my heart that burns harder than the flames of anger
For the beautiful souls in my own little world, and for our wider community.
The kind words over cups of coffee, spaces we can speak our truth and be real
Let down our guard completely for awhile,
Soothe ourselves, allow ourselves a moment to heal.
The silent rebellion is in those moments,
In our love, our sense of self and feeling at home.
The silent rebellion is in the clothes that we wear, the unapologetic authenticity in how we present, wear our makeup, style our hair.
The silent rebellion is the smiles on our faces, the energy we exude.
The silent rebellion is the glue holding us together, silently screaming our truth.
Amethisté Allustria Amor is a 31-year-old queer actress, burlesque dancer, singer, and poet from Hull in the U.K.
