How To Get Me….

Jul 22, 2021 | 2010 Fall - Bi and Single

By The B Word Poet

An alternative press love advisor got a question from a woman who had a boyfriend but wanted a female lover to join them. In many groups and on websites there are countless couples looking for female lovers. Sites like and set up their registration format for couples. What those couples don’t understand is that a great percentage of bisexual women don’t want to be human couple-sex-toy-aides. Before I began to explore polyamory, couples approached me – which was a huge turn off. Just because I told them I am bisexual didn’t mean I wanted to hop in the sack with both of them. I was looking for a monogamous partnership at that time in my life. I wanted what I wanted at that time, and couples needed to respect my boundaries. I’ve heard from friends that they have been approached by couples at a gay club. Those couples are just not going to find the one they’re looking for. Some lesbians go to clubs with their friends and are just simply there to party. Lesbians won’t be open to women with male partners and even solo bisexual women are not always welcome in lesbian settings. You’ll find bisexual women in straight clubs, but they are the bisexual women who are attached to men or only sexually interested in other women. Couples tend to bombard women who have never been in a threesome before. While “turning someone out” may have a strong appeal, it’s best to stick with women who identify as bisexual and polyamorous. It’s not every girl’s fantasy to be a couple’s sexual outlet – no matter how much these couples want that to be the case.

Feeling helpless right now? Thinking you’re never going to find that third party unless you can convince one of the types above? Don’t be discouraged. Here are some suggestions about what I’d want: 1) Leave the search completely up to the woman. 2) Don’t let your fear of getting rejected or hurt lead you to lie to me or lead me on. Got a man or a husband? So what? Set up dates between the three of us and let’s be friends first. Don’t rush the sex. 3) Couples that are proud of their sexuality and generally want me to be part of their lives outside as well as inside the bedroom. If these three things are in place, I’ll be a lot more open to taking things further. I don’t speak for all bisexual women – this is just how to get me.

The B Word Poet is a 29-year-old bisexual writer and activist in Cleveland, Ohio.

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