Embracing Being Single (even when it’s not your first choice, and you hope it’s not a permanent state)

Jul 23, 2021 | 2010 Fall - Bi and Single

By Fennel

Recently a friend and I were chatting about how it feels to be single and how hard it is to find a serious relationship. We discussed how this might be due in part to living on the East Coast, in part to age and in part that it’s simply hard to find a good match. Then I brought up Woody Allen’s famous quote about bisexuality, “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” As cute as this joke is (not withstanding how much I loathe Woody Allen’s lack of ethics/morals), it’s really not true. In fact, there is still a lot of bias against bisexuals.

But my intention and motivation for writing this article is quite the opposite of a negative rant—and I’ll tell you why: I believe in being positive and trying to find the good in a situation. You may be single now, and not happy about it. If you want a great partner, then I hope you’ll find one and be treated well. But if being single is where you find yourself now, try to embrace the good in it.

The idea of “becoming a friend to yourself ” (as a Buddhist teacher once told me) and being able to be with yourself and create your life can apply to all of us, single or coupled, regardless of labels of gender and sexual identity.

Although there are some definite benefits to being single, some of my friends and I would like to be partnered, but only if it is a “good enough” fit.

In the meantime, if you’d like to explore some great books on positive approaches to being single, I have a few recommendations:

  • Lauren Mackler, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life
  • Florence Falk, On My Own: the Art of Being a Woman Alone
  • E. Kay Trimberger, The New Single Woman
  • Marcelle Clements, The Improvised Woman: Single Women Reinventing Single Life

Best Wishes on your journey—may it be filled with loving friends who support each other on their paths!

Fennel has lived in Boston for 20 years. She puts up with the cold winters and the Boston accents because she loves her friends and being close to beautiful nature, and the urban good stuff this city offers.

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