COVID Caregiver/Caretaker Journal Notes*

Jun 2, 2021 | 2021 Summer - Never Have I Ever

By Lani Ka’ahumanu

Some days I want to run out of here screaming
and then feel blessed I can run into a meadow, into a redwood fairy circle
into my scattered winter garden

Some days I jump in the car and drive the short distance to Gerstle Cove
to be alone facing the Pacific’s crashing waves
I cry from deep inside me
the emotional toll of caregiving and caretaking
takes everything I have to give
to anyone including my self

I walk and walk and walk
noticing how out of shape I am
breathing the ocean air, watching the birds
sometimes an osprey fishing,
sometimes a giant blue heron meditating on a small unsuspecting rodent appetizer
walking and shaking off exhaustion I arrive in awe of him again
and how well he is maintaining with stress overriding his meds
and how well we take care of each other as best we can
and how well we are maintaining our love for one another

LK 2020
*for my son

Lani is an elder activist, author, poet, educator, and grandmother. She is regarded as the strategic political architect of the early U.S. bisexual movement.

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