By Raquel Thrustmor
Every woman needs to have a friend who has a key to her home and knows the secret hiding places of her sex toys, just in case a search and retrieve mission is necessary. At least it’s a good idea if you would not like your nearest and dearest running across your rabbit vibrator, your multi-colored dildos, your heated oils, your handcuffs and well…you know. But sometimes you don’t want to have to wait until your own demise to get rid of your sex toys. What does a sex-positive woman do when parts of her pleasuring collection need to be taken out of service?
So many questions come to mind: What is a responsible way to dispose of sex toys? Must they be destroyed or can dildos be recycled, repurposed? And what about all those batteries? I don’t want to be responsible for raising the mercury levels in the Greater Boston area. Is there an ecofriendly way to dispose of batteries? What’s a green girl to do?
We all have different levels of privacy in our homes. Single folks have a lot more freedom than, say, a mother living with her children or in-laws. Privacy includes the ability to dispose of sex toys that are past their prime. While we fully endorse people being sex-positive and happy about their sexual playtime, let’s face it, most of us really don’t want our 12-year-old pulling a dead vibrator out of the kitchen garbage and asking what it is. Two disposal suggestions for the totally embarrassed: 1) wrap it in an unmarked package and deposit it in a dumpster way across town; or 2) if you need more distance between you and it, take it with you on your next driving trip out of town and set it free. Just stay out of Texas – at least that’s what Thelma and Louise would say.
If parting with your outdated playthings in an environmentally conscious way is more to your liking, then consider an alternative, like sex toy recycling. The internet has a couple of sites offering to strip your old dildo down to the bare bones, so to speak, and reuse the materials to make new products. I’m thinking the bionic dildo here. “We can rebuild him, we have the technology to make him better, stronger, faster….” Sextoyrecycling.com is one such online resource.
Now, if we are talking batteries – and I burn through mine at a ferocious rate – Think Green From Home (thinkgreenfromhome.com/batteries) provides you with a kit that includes a recycling box to store nine-volt and smaller used alkaline, carbon-zinc, NiCad, and NiMH batteries, plus a pre-paid return shipping label so you just drop it in your nearest mailbox. Let’s say you’ve got a sentimental attachment to one of your toys and you just can’t part with it. By repurposing it, you can hide that baby in plain view. My dildo and harness doubles as a plant hanger and that nice string of butt-beads hangs alongside the mardi gras bead collection on my doorknob. Want to surprise your dinner guests with something Martha Stewart would never think of? Take those cock rings and use them as napkin rings next time you invite your friends around for dinner. If you are a cat lover, like me, you can tie a small feather to your old rabbit vibrator and turn it into an interactive cat toy. Pussies find it irresistible.
As I said at the beginning, I’m considering giving my friend a map of my home and marking the location of each sex toy so that she can collect them and get out fast. A map for myself might also be handy since I am becoming more forgetful. (I don’t want a senior moment to get in the way of an afternoon interlude.) Of course the industrial size pump bottle of lube next to my bed won’t be hard to find. So, women, don’t be afraid to let your creative juices flow. With all these green options at our fingertips there is no need to feel guilty for our pleasures.
Featured image: Illustration by Kara Ammon