What Matters Most

Jul 9, 2021 | 2013 Winter - Mixed Marriages

By Susanna Brent

A couple of weeks after my husband and I met, we attended a rehearsal of West Side Story. We sat in the dark holding hands and generally being an annoyingly cute young couple in love when a beautiful blonde actress danced across the stage in a lovely red dress. I leaned over and said, “She is sooo hot!” He dropped my hand, pulled away and stared dumbfounded at me. I had told him a couple of days before that I was bisexual but I don’t think he believed me. A moment later, he collected himself, laughed and shook his head. Taking my hand he said, “I’m going to have to get used to that.” I came to learn that he was more taken aback by my laid-back attitudes than by my bisexual identity. Pointing out an attractive person is no big deal. I would much rather enjoy that moment together than for us to try and hide a harmless head turn.

Now, 12 years later, I continue to learn what it means to be a bisexual woman in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship. My husband is amazing. I think his superpower is being supportive and understanding. Despite his unconditional adoration, I am pretty sure he still doesn’t “believe” that I am bisexual. Sometimes that hurts; it hurts in a place that only those you love the most can hurt you. That’s when I remember that it doesn’t really matter. Gay, straight, or bi, my commitment to him and my commitment to us is what it’s really all about. I don’t have to “prove” to him that I am a bisexual woman and, most importantly, I don’t have to prove it to myself. I know who I am and he loves who I am and that’s really all that matters.

Susanna and Lester live in Michigan with their daughter, Zelda. They just celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary.

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