three out of four

Aug 1, 2017 | 2017 Summer - Violence & Recovery, Articles, Poetry

By Courtney Carola

[trigger warning: mentions and descriptions of assault]

Three out of four bisexual women are sexual assault survivors
But I fear that number may be even higher
Because of the ways these assaults slip through the cracks
in the foundation which we have been trying to build for
ourselves
Foundations of self-love and acceptance
That are being destroyed by sickening stereotypes and
toxic media representation
Our foundation is constantly under pressure, put to the test
And we aren’t broken, but we are starting to break
It is through those cracks that subtleties begin to slip in
That bisexual equals slut
Equals threesomes
Equals easy
Equals always interested in sex
These subtleties spread like mold, violating us to our very core
Encouraging others to violate us as well
Others, like the man who asked my girlfriend and me to kiss for him, so he
could hold the image in his mind while he got off later in the day
I vomited shortly after
He didn’t lay a finger on me, but it was still assault
It is assault when I am left feeling dirty and used at the hand of someone who
didn’t even touch me but is using me for his pleasure
without my consent
It is assault when I am dehumanized to a living, breathing sex toy
It is assault when strangers on the street see us holding hands and demand we
kiss for them
It is assault when someone implies that we need to be “corrected”
It is assault when the way I love is invalidated until it becomes someone’s top
search on a porn website
It is assault again and again and again
No matter how many times it happens
When is this going to stop happening?
When is someone going to stop being the bystander or the enabler and stop
this from happening?
I’m trying
With every poem I write, I try harder and harder
I am screaming at the top of my lungs
But I think I need someone with a louder voice than mine

By day, Courtney Carola is a 23-year-old college student, high school librarian, and indie author. By night, she fights against bi-erasure and for bi visibility.

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