Skipping the Cookie Cutter

May 1, 2010 | 2010 Spring - The (First) Youth Issue, Articles

By Kitty Constantine

My name is Kitty Constantine. I’m 21 and have identified as bisexual since I was 19 years old. I learned about bisexuality in my acquisition of general knowledge of sexual orientations in the world. High school was a place where you were expected to be straight. Homosexuality was a joke, so one could not even think about being bi. In time, there were two boys who came out about their sexuality, but no girl at that high school has ever admitted to being anything other than straight.Having a strong religious background in the Christian religion of Pentecostalism, I believed homosexuality was “sinful” but I held the chauvinist view that if it would please my “husband,” I would consent to participating in sex with another woman. It was only meeting my boyfriend, who also identified as bisexual, that I gained the courage to explore the homosexual side of my sexuality. It’s only been in the alternative lifestyle communities, with the friends I’ve made there, that I have found true acceptance. I am not open about my sexuality with the community and the people I grew up with. My family is aware of my other alternative inclinations as a BDSM slave, but it would break their religious hearts to learn I was bisexual. If I was ever confronted outright about my sexuality, I would not deny being bisexual, but I will not throw it in their faces and purposely seek to create conflict.I know who I am and what I want from life. Nothing can take that assurance from me. My role models are people who fight for my right to freely express the homosexual side of my sexuality. My role models are the ones who are educators on how we achieved the freedoms we have today. It still amazes me how many people do not know about the Stonewall Riots. My support comes from the BDSM and Leather communities I involve myself in. By getting involved with people like myself, I have been learning and growing in my lifestyle so I can support and educate others. To those who are still considering and exploring their sexuality, don’t be so quick to adopt labels. Don’t worry if your experience is not a cookie cutter mold of what you expect the idea of “sexuality” to be. Be honest with yourself about what you desire. If you deny yourself pleasure and try to conform to other peoples’ expectations, you’ll never know anything more than the pain of never knowing what happiness you could have had.

Kitty is a student with a focus in Psychology and Creative Writing, who lives and studies on the East Coast with her wonderful queer roommate and her two cats.

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