By Betti Schleyer, PhD
I am a therapist who works with LGBT individuals and couples. Bisexual issues, in particular, tend to be marginalized. What information is available is full of bias and stigma, so there is a need for positive resources for those in mixed-sexual orientation marriages where one of the partners is bisexual. I hope you find these helpful.
Positive online discussion groups:
- Alternate Path: an affirming group for women seeking help with finding alternative solutions to divorcing their Bisexual/ Gay husband. Provides positive discussions to help wives adjust to the news that their husband is gay/bi. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alternatepath/
- Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work (MMOMW): for straight spouses who are married to gays or bisexuals, and also the married gays and bisexuals themselves. Welcomes all those in this situation no matter how they have decided to deal with this within their own marriage. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MMOMW/
- HUGS Couples (Hope Understanding Growth Support): A list for couples of mixed sexual orientation who are working to keep their relationship strong and growing. A positive environment where these couples can express their concerns, share their successes, and give and receive support and encouragement. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HUGS_Couples2/
- Monogamous Mixed Orientation Marriages (MMOM): a support group for either or both members of a mixed orientation marriage or relationship working to remain monogamous. “Mixed orientation” means that the sexual orientations of the two persons involved do not match. This includes any combination of GLBTQS persons (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, straight). “Monogamous” means that the partners are sexually exclusive with each other. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mmom/
Positive Website for bisexuals. Includes a discussion site for those in Mixed Orientation Marriages: http://livingfabulous.org/
Good description of basics of making a mixed-orientation marriage work, with links to resources: http://www.transcendingboundaries.org/resources/mixedorientation-marriage.html
Positive stories about mixed orientation marriages:
- http://www.believeoutloud.com/boltoday/20120223/topfive-questions-asked-about-being-bisexual-minister
- http://www.thefreelibrary.com/A+bisexual+mom+comes+out.-a0117422004
Books:
- Ochs, R., and Rowley, S. (2009). Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition. Chapter 6, Relationships, pp. 115 – 133. Bisexual Resource Center.
- Orndorff, K. (1999). Bi Lives: Bisexual Women Tell Their Stories. Sharp Press.
Research showing that stable, satisfactory mixedorientation marriages are possible:
- Brownfain, J. J. (1985). A study of the married bisexual male: Paradox and resolution. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1/2), 173-188.
- Coleman, E. (1985). Integration of male bisexuality and marriage. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1/2), 189-207.
- Edser, S. J., & Shea, J. D. (2002). An exploratory investigation of bisexual men in monogamous, heterosexual marriages. Journal of Bisexuality, 2, 7–43.
- Jordal, C. E. (2011). “Making it work”: A grounded theory of how mixed orientation married couples commit, sexually identify, and gender themselves (Doctoral dissertation). Retrieved from http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/theses/available/etd-05112011-160023/unrestricted/Jordal_CE_D_2011.pdf
- Matteson, D. (1985). Bisexual men in marriage: Is a positive homosexual identity and stable marriage possible? Journal
- Wolf, T. J. (1985). Marriages of bisexual men. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1/2), 135-148.
Theoretical background:
- Gustavson, M. (2009). Bisexuals in relationships: Uncoupling intimacy from gender ontology. Journal of Bisexuality, 9(3-4), 407-429. http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15299710903316653
Note: Research reviewed by Patrick RichardsFink, a bisexual activist, husband, father, student, and blogger in Central Minnesota