“As if I don’t have any boundaries”: Bi+ Women and Their Experiences with Sexual Violence
By Sara Verlee, on behalf of co-authors Marijke Naezer, Franca Hehenkamp, and Britt Myren
Bi+ women experience sexual violence more often compared to monosexual women1, , findings reflected in both international and Dutch research. Still, we know little about bi women’s experiences and how their bi+ identity factors into this.
Research
Bi+ Nederland (the equality organization for bi+ people and bi+ inclusion in the Netherlands) teamed up with Dutch organizations Atria, Rutgers, and COC Nederland to start to bridge the gap in our current knowledge base. In our research, we included the experiences of 19 bi+ women, of whom we orally interviewed 16, and we received three written contributions. The report consists of an analysis of their experiences, a literature review, and concrete recommendations.
Important Findings
Bi+ women encounter a specific interplay of types of minority stress. Minority stress, a concept introduced by Meyer (2003), refers to specific stressors one encounters as being part of a marginalized group. This includes not only experiences of discrimination but also anticipating forms of discrimination. For example, many interviewees talked about hiding their sexual orientation because they did not feel safe, or to avoid discrimination. Two bi+ women who are in a relationship with each other, said that they usually say they are lesbian to avoid “trouble”—something that they have encountered in the past when they were open about their bi+ identities.
Interviewees reported diverse experiences with sexual violence, differing in context as well as perpetrators. In some cases, their bi+ orientation was known and in some, it was not. On the basis of our research, we found that regardless of whether their sexual orientation was known to the perpetrator, their bi+ identity played a part in their experience with sexual violence.
The report makes clear that bi+ women experience sexism, like monosexual (e.g. gay and straight) women. Bi+ and lesbian women both deal with heteronormativity. But unlike lesbian women, bi+ women also have to deal with the monosexual norm on top of that. This makes them marginalized on at least three different levels, on top of possible other marginalized identity aspects such as race, disability, and age.
Monosexual Norm
The monosexual norm is the expectation that one can only be attracted to one gender, which defaults people’s sexual orientation to either gay or straight. Monosexual refers to being attracted to only one gender.
In the experiences of the interviewees, the monosexual norm appeared in many forms but mostly came up in (false) assumptions by bystanders, friends, family, and romantic partners. Sometimes the sexual orientation of the participants was not taken seriously, or was met by outright denial of the existence of their sexual orientation. One participant recounted being told she was just a “lesbian in disguise.”
As bi+ women can be attracted to more than one gender, there’s a stereotype that they would automatically be sexually promiscuous or that they would be open for any sexual encounter, even if they express that they are not. One participant recounted that she, after being open about being bisexual, felt like some people thought that she had no boundaries at all. Another participant recounted an experience with her ex-boyfriend who pressured her into sex in order to prove she is also into men and to “make sure” she is not a lesbian.
Role of Sexual Orientation
Participants reported experiences of outright biphobia, binegativity2, and harmful stereotyping in which hypersexuality played a big role. However, in some instances where participants experienced sexual violence, their bi+ identity was not known to the perpetrator (for example, in instances where the sexual violence was enacted by strangers). In these encounters, it’s hard to say the perpetrator was motivated by stereotyping of bi+ women. Some participants reported feeling that they are seen as “prey” as they feel less self-confident, dealing with multiple counts of minority stress.
As bi+ women experience minority stress on at least three different levels, this causes them to report having less self-confidence and feeling more isolated from community. These feelings are known risk factors in experiencing sexual violence and can impact their decision to seek help. And if they do seek help, it’s hard to find a healthcare professional with adequate knowledge of bi+ people and the way this might play a role in sexual violence. One participant described that she did not try to find help, as she was not confident she could find a professional that would understand her as a bi+ woman of color. Another participant described how she had to explain a lot about sexual orientation to her therapist, almost feeling like a search engine.
Community
Participants also reported having fewer established and safe social networks. For example, a participant described that she could only be open to one person about her bisexuality, which made it harder to reject him when he made an unwanted sexual encounter.
Interviewees indicated that hearing stories by other bi+ women about experiences with sexual violence helped them accept what happened to them. The experiences of other bi+ women made the respondents feel understood, and they felt that sharing stories is important, as they can serve as a warning to others.
This report states that it’s important to create an accepting community and to fight for a bi+ inclusive society and world. It also reminds us not to avoid the topic of sexual violence and to share experiences, however difficult this may be.
Recommendations
Based on our findings we recommend that in battling sexual violence, all interventions should be made bi+ inclusive with attention to the specific experiences of bi+ women. We should actively prevent unjust stereotypes and assumptions about bi+ people, specifically bi+ women. Lastly, we recommend further research on the role of sexual orientation in sexual violence, not just focused on bi+ women but also on bi+ men and bi+ gender-diverse people.
The full report with citations is in Dutch and can be found here. An English summary can be found on page 7 of the report.
Sara Verlee (they/she) is based in the Netherlands and works as Community Project Lead at Bi+ Nederland. They organize and host community events for bi+ people in the Netherlands. In their work, she also focuses on the intersection between sexual violence and sexual orientation.