By Ciel Odom
When I was fourteen, I went to a new school. I didn’t know anyone or anything around. I was odd, but despite that, I made a few friends a little while down the road. I fell in with a crowd that was wrong for me. Drama left and right, and they seemed like they wanted nothing more than to fight. I felt so out of place. I couldn’t find anyone around that caught my interest. I knew no one at all, and no one liked the same things as I did.
I yearned for connection. I found it with a simple red-headed girl who also was missing something. I got to know her, and it wasn’t long before I realized I had fallen in love with her. I didn’t want to hide it. I didn’t bother hiding it. I lived for her in every breath that I took. I was her knight and she was my light. My muse. My safety when everything else felt so broken.
Life happened and we had to split due to her admittance in the foster system. I was crushed. It felt like we went through hell together. I told her things no one else knew at that point. And she trusted me with things I have not spoken about. The times we held each other in the darkness of our lives will be unforgotten.
Years later, we reconnected on social media. We talked more about what happened in our lives. We found out we had more in common than before. We shared struggles. She went through this amazing transformation. I’m happy to call her my friend. One of the best friends of my entire life. We don’t talk for months at a time, but it still feels like there is an interest in friendship.
This is the story of my first love. No, it doesn’t hurt, because at least she’s in my life now, even if it is only a little bit. She showed me so much. Before her, I didn’t know that people existed that liked the same things as me. I didn’t know I could be loved even by a friend. But, somehow, I fell in love with a phoenix.
Without her entering my life I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I thought so lowly about myself. She opened my eyes to the world of romantic love and showed me I deserved that. That I can be loved. That support exists. Life is not set in stone. You know who you are. I wanted to tell you that from the bottom of my shattered heart: I will always love you. You transplanted hope when I was born with none.
You are an inspiration. The more I see your life grow, your successes in science, and your baby boy grow, the more I realize that I look up to you. I know you don’t have it completely together and that is okay! I look up to you because you have it more together than I do. I look up to you because if you got out of this southern hell then so can I.
The story of my first love, my first best friend, and one of my heroes.
Pride is a poor description of the feeling I had when I saw the light in your eyes.
You did it, babe. And I am in awe of the empire you made from ash.
Ciel Odom is a 34-year-old asexual biromantic individual whose home state is in North Carolina, in the U.S., and who grew up in a small town with nothing more than four stoplights. They are trying to rise from the ashes of their homelife and make something beautiful.