No Drama, No Games…for only $19.99

Jul 8, 2021 | 2015 Summer - Toy Stories

By Rene

Sex toys – I have said many times over – are one of my favorite wonders of modern science. If you ever get the chance to visit a sex museum you should. I have been to the one in Barcelona and the one in New York City. I hear the best one is in Amsterdam. Seeing antique vibrators and all the odd instruments of pleasure throughout history is fascinating. The concept dates back to some very ancient times.

Why work so hard for one orgasm if, with the help of a bit of electricity, batteries, silicone and the many other space-age materials, we can have so many more? Why not have more intense and larger numbers of orgasms if possible? Quantity is never bad when it comes to orgasms, so I have always encouraged buzzing and penetrating anything that works for you! I must confess not understanding people I have met who never want to try toys, considering themselves purists of some odd variety.

Some modern inventions are worth a try and, as a person that has always loved new technologies, sex toys are at the top of my list.

In the late 70’s I started making one of my meeting places for friends or dates in front of The Pink Pussycat Boutique (one of the first sex toy stores) in the West Village of New York. It was seedy and campy and didn’t have much that wasn’t a ridiculously cheesy, poorly-made, over-priced pile of junk, but it was provocative and dependable as a meeting spot in the days before cell phones. If the weather got nasty you could easily slip in (pun intended) and browse without any hassles until whomever you were meeting showed up.

My first discovery regarding the magic of vibration to the clitoris was some old neck massager I found in my parents’ house that resembled a large rolling pin without handles. IT WAS LOUD and STRONG and I had to put a blanket between me and IT or I would have decapitated my poor clitoris! I didn’t move out with much when I went off to college but it was the first item I packed.

For some reason, I thought that I could use it in a bed with a roommate only feet away my freshman year of college. She was much too polite to ever say anything but she must have been aghast. I was so horny, I was rude, and I didn’t care. That was 1977 and we still exchange Christmas cards this many years later so I guess it wasn’t the worst vibrator crime I ever committed.

Some years passed and I discovered a smaller, quieter, gentler version of vibration in the form of my still-favorite style: a small corded vibrator that was sold and marketed as some sort of face/neck massager with many parts. I remember making that big investment in my pleasure…$30.00! That was when I could live on $30.00 a week for food. Or, if I went out on a Friday night to the clubs, $20.00 was more than enough to have a great time with plenty of money left over.

I am sentimental regarding my sex toys because, let’s face it, it is wonderful to have something pleasure you with or without others present, no drama or games, and my favorite… no polite conversation if you’re not in the mood. Pleasure and escapism with no complications or danger; except the time I refused to give up my favorite vibrator (yes, the same one I paid a whopping $30.00 for) and would hold the split in the cord together for a connection to get it to work. I had no knowledge of electrical tape back then. Sparks flying and practically setting my New York apartment and full 80s bush on fire! I was going to ride that puppy until not a murmur or movement could be detected, no matter what the consequences. My orgasm so close and seeing the sparks start to fly and I would just keep going. Yes, a very ridiculously strong libido in my twenties made me do some very dumb things. The terms young and stupid go together quite a bit for sound reasons. There were days I would need to orgasm at least five times just to keep myself calm. I can’t imagine how much trouble I would have encountered without it! That was in addition to whomever I was dating and having sex with at the time.

Decades have gone by, but I still find it fun to sex toy shop once in a while to see how things have improved. I go on shopping sprees for new toys every three or four years now and it is still so much fun.

I am proud of my current collection of some of the latest and most aesthetically pleasing new toys. I have thrown many toys away but must admit sometimes holding onto one or two because they remind me of a certain time period or a specific person from the past. So much of my life has gone by, I guess I have created my own personal mini sex toy museum now.

I am always impressed, amazed and lured by the new shapes, materials, colors and battery strengths, but I am sentimental about my toys and seem to always revert back to my old love, the face/neck massager with my favorite attachment that is now sold for $19.99 online. Sometimes she is described as medicinal (a nurse to help heal me), sometimes for deep relaxation, sometimes marketed honestly by using the word pleasure. But it is very comforting to know I’ll be able to afford her even when I am very old.

Some women say they will wear purple when they are old. Well, I will ride my trusty steed until death do us part and my clit turns purple.

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