SCENE 1: INTRODUCTION
The curtain is drawn. Maggie enters stage right, looking distressed.
Maggie: (sighs) I don’t know what to do. I’ve told my friends many times that I’m bisexual, but they just don’t get it. It’s not that they’re unsupportive or anything, it’s just… Why don’t I tell you what happened last week, and you’ll see what I mean…
SCENE 2: COFFEE SHOP
The curtain is raised. Leslie and Sarah are seated at a round table, drinking coffee. Maggie enters.
Maggie: Hi, Sarah! Hi, Leslie! How are you!
Leslie: Hi, Maggie! How are you doing?
Sarah: It’s so good to see you! (Hugs)
Maggie: So, what’s new?
Sarah: Nothing much. My parents are coming for a visit this weekend. My mom said, “Don’t worry. You don’t have to clean the house just for us.” So naturally, I spent the morning vacuuming and dusting.
Leslie: So, Maggie, what’s new with you?
Maggie: I have a hot date this weekend! I met this guy, Adam, at the gym. He is gorgeous! He’s tall, with dark brown eyes…
Leslie: Whoa… wait a second. A date with a guy? I thought you were a lesbian!
Maggie: I’m bisexual. That means I date either men or women. So anyway, about Adam – he has the cutest nose, and…
Sarah: Oh, so you’re really straight!
Maggie: No…. I’m bisexual! Remember Annie – the girl I was with for 3 years?
Leslie: Oh, I remember that all right. What a nightmare!
Sarah: Oh, God!
Maggie: She was the biggest control freak.
Leslie: Yeah. I remember one time when we all went out to dinner and she said, “You don’t really want the chocolate cake, do you? Doesn’t the fruit cup look much better?” As if you needed to lose weight!
Maggie: I know. (Pause) I wonder what I ever saw in her.
Leslie: Attractive, leggy blonde?
Maggie: Yeah, that’s probably it.
Sarah: Well, it’s understandable that you would turn straight after a relationship like that!
Maggie: I didn’t “turn straight.” I’m bisexual! I would date a girl if the right one came along. So anyway, about Adam…
Leslie: She’s saying that she’s really a lesbian, but is experimenting with guys for now.
Sarah: No, I think that she’s really straight, and has been experimenting with girls.
Leslie: A three-year relationship is an experiment? No way! Deep down, she’s a lesbian, but was temporarily scarred by Annie. But you’ll see. She’ll come back to girls.
Sarah: Oh, come on. Did you see the way she swooned over that guy, Adam? She’s definitely straight!
Leslie: How about the way she swoons over Halle Berry?
Sarah: What about the pictures of Ben Affleck on her wall?
Leslie: Did I mention that she owns every Halle Berry film?
Sarah: I’m telling you, she’s straight.
Leslie: She’s gay.
Maggie: I’m BISEXUAL!!!
Leslie and Sarah give Maggie an odd look.
Leslie: I don’t get it.
Maggie (mutters): That’s for sure!
Maggie: Oh, nothing
Sarah: Maybe it would help if you could explain what “bisexual” means to you.
Maggie: OK, let’s see… (thinking) I like bi-activist Robyn Ochs’s definition: Bisexual means the capacity to be attracted to people of more than one gender: but not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily to the same degree, and not necessarily in the same way.
Leslie and Sarah: Huh??
Maggie: Maybe an analogy would help. Let me think… (thinking)
Maggie: OK, I got it! It’s like handedness. You could be right-handed, left-handed, or you could write well with both hands!
Leslie and Sarah: Huh??
Maggie: (sighs) Ok, how’s this: It’s like the treble and bass settings on your stereo system. Just because the treble setting is turned on doesn’t mean that the bass setting can’t be turned on as well.
Leslie and Sarah: Huh??
Sarah: Oh, I get it!
Maggie (mutters): Thank goodness!
Sarah: You started out straight. Then, you turned gay for Annie, and now you turned straight for Adam!
Sarah: Well, that makes a lot more sense to me than saying you are bisexual.
Maggie: THAT makes more sense to you then saying I’m bisexual?
Sarah: Well, sure. I don’t really believe that bisexuals exist.
Maggie: What do you mean I don’t exist? I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE TALKING TO YOU!!
Sarah: Sorry – no offense. It’s just that…well…. I don’t really know any bisexuals…
Leslie: And it seems like the ones I know are really gay.
Sarah: Or they’re straight, and just experimenting.
Leslie: No, I think that –
Maggie: Has it ever occurred to either of you that you don’t see bisexuals because we’re invisible to you?
Sarah: They have invisibility cloaks, like in Harry Potter?
Maggie: No, no, no! What I mean is this: Every time I like a girl, I must be a lesbian. But every time I like a guy, suddenly I’m “straight!” What do I have to do to be seen as bisexual?
Leslie: Hmm… I guess I never thought of it that way.
Maggie: No matter what I say or do, I’m hidden in plain sight!
Leslie: Wait! I think I understand.
Maggie: You do?
Leslie: You are attracted to BOTH men and women…
Maggie (interrupts): EXACTLY!
Leslie: …but since you can’t make up your mind, you need to have both a man and a woman at the same time!
Maggie (exasperated): So CLOSE! And yet so far away!
Leslie: What? I thought there were plenty of bisexuals who are polyamorous – that is, who want to have more than one partner.
Maggie: Well, there are some heterosexuals who want more than one partner.
Sarah: Yeah – they’re called straight men!
Maggie: But, of course, not all straight people want to be poly. Bisexuals are no different. Being polyamorous works well for some people. But it’s not for me! I’m a “one at a time” girl.
Sarah: And your partner could be any gender?
Sarah: I get it… I think.
Maggie: Well, it’s a lot to think about.
Maggie: Wow! It’s getting late. I’d better get going.
Sarah: Me, too! My parents are arriving in a few days, and I haven’t found all the dust bunnies.
Maggie: We should do this again sometime!
Leslie: Okay. Stay in touch.
All except Maggie exit
Maggie (to audience): You see what I mean? And people say I’M the one who’s confused!