From A to B?

May 31, 2024 | 2024 Summer - More than One Letter

By Delphine RL

From a young age, I was taught to move from point A to point B in life, following a right and logical path.

Trying to follow that path led me to amazing discoveries, beautiful people, and a precious family of my own. But I never was able to find point B. My quest was still in progress. I was looking for something to fight, like a dragon, in order to be able to go back to my home as a hero like one of Joseph Campbell’s. I didn’t know I could follow the cycle of the heroine and become true to myself like one of Iris Murdoch’s, instead. 

Then, one day, I read a story about a person who fell in love with a person of their same gender while still experiencing their usual romantic and sexual attraction to other genders. It was like being punched in the stomach and seeing dazzling sparkles from the impact; I kept my teeth clenched in order to endure. I was hurting badly and having butterflies at the same time. My entire being felt something was happening but I couldn’t say what, except that it was so unexpected and that it was a listen-to-your-soul moment.

As time went by, I started to feel a powerful warmth in my chest.

This warmth stayed in my body. My nights were filled at last with good sleep. My heart began to follow its own beat and dried my long-lasting tears as this sensation spread from my chest to the rest of my body, making me feel relaxed and confident. The fears that had torn my guts apart had suddenly vanished, cleaned up by this powerful stream.

Finally, I allowed myself to accept this warmth inside of me and, shortly after, it gave me the confidence to talk to friends about it, each of them confirming my boldness with the sweet feedback I so needed.

As I spoke with friends, I began to accept that these conversations were in fact a coming out of sorts. I was letting go of pieces of a burden I’d been carrying, without realizing how heavy it was to try, no matter what, to follow the teachings of my youth.

But then I had an epiphany: I wasn’t supposed to go from A to B. Instead, I had to circle back, because, in my case, B was actually my point of origin.

To follow the path to my true self, B was the powerful letter with which to begin.

As soon as I tore up this veil of normativity with my unclenched teeth—at last—I gasped new air and felt like the letter B had landed on the surface of my chest, empowering me in a new way.

Thanks to that, my heart began to beat at its right pace, my cape flew above my shoulders, my hands rested on my hips, and I kept my chin up: I was ready to embrace this super-power, which gave me a wide-open perspective and the ability to think in new and different ways. I am so lucky!

Delphine RL lives in Brittany, France. She is an artist who uses doll-making and story writing to help people improve their daily autonomy. She believes that being creative is the best way to access our inner resources.

Featured Image: B is the Origin—artwork by Delphine RL

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