Abusers May Say…
- “I know I can’t trust you alone with your friends because you’ll sleep with anyone.”
- “You aren’t really part of the LGBTQ community.”
- “If you leave me, I’ll tell your boss that you are bi.”
- “I know that all you bisexuals are just sluts.”
- “You are just confused about your sexuality.”
- “If you want to be with me, you have to be a lesbian.”
- “Don’t tell anyone that you’ve been with men before; that’s disgusting.”
- “I know you are going to leave me for a woman,” or “I know you are going to leave me for a man.”
What is partner abuse?
Partner abuse is a systematic pattern of behaviors where one person tries to control the thoughts, beliefs, and/or actions of their partner or someone they are dating or have had an intimate relationship with.
Abuse is not about size, strength, or who is more masculine. Anyone of any gender can be abusive.
Abuse is not just about physical violence. It’s about controlling the other person. Abusers can use emotional, economic, sexual, cultural and identity-related, and physical tactics to control their partners.
Abuse crosses all social, ethnic, racial, and econonic lines. You can’t tell if someone is abused or abusive by race, size, strength, economic level, gender expression, religion, politics, or personality.
Abuse is never mutual. Although both partners may use violence, abusers do so to control their partners; a survivor may use violence in self-defense or to try to stop the abuse.
Abuse can happen regardless of the length of relationship or living situation. It doesn’t matter if you live together or just started dating.
Abuse does not lessen; it tends to get worse over time. Couples counseling, anger management, alcoholics anonymous, and communication workshops do not help abusers stop abusing and can be dangerous for the survivor.
From the brochure “Does Your Partner Blame it on Your Bisexuality?” from The Network/La Red.