By Anonymous (for now)
I found my bi+ community in the most beautiful, organic way. In May of last year, I unexpectedly found the courage to come out to a group of close friends. We were in Paris to see a Taylor Swift concert, and on a beautiful night, the night before the show, eating frites and sipping champagne outside in this sparkling city, feeling safe, loved, and seen, the entire story of my evolving sexuality tumbled out of me—how I realized at 42, married to a loving, cishet, male partner, with two kids, after unpacking all of the compulsory heterosexuality—that I was not straight. My friends listened deeply and held me through both the joyful and painful parts, and I’d never felt so unburdened, understood, and free.
When we got home, one of the friends in the group connected me to a friend of hers who was just starting an online community for bisexuals in straight-presenting relationships. Really, what are the odds? I joined my first virtual Zoom meeting in June, and it was the first time I was openly out to a group of strangers. I was overwhelmed with relief, and almost in a state of disbelief, to find people who saw and experienced the world the same way, who made so much sense to me, after feeling alone and strange for so long. The group soon became my lifeline for processing and celebrating the highs and lows of the bi+ identity at this stage of my life. In August, I connected with another bi+ woman in the community with a story much like mine, and she has since become one of my most treasured and trusted friends traveling a similar path. By September, I offered to run the community’s book club, and we have been meeting regularly and having lively and rich discussions since. In November, my husband and I went to our first local queer advocacy event where he supported me in presenting as publicly out, and where I had my first live, in-person conversation with another “late-in-life” bisexual in the wild. And I’ve since had the courage to let several more close friends, my mom, and my kids into my unfolding.
I would not be where I am in my comfort, acceptance, and celebration of my queerness without this community. It is amazing to meet and connect with people from across the country, of all ages and walks of life, who not only see and understand me, but care deeply about the queer community at large. The support these people generously offer is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I truly believe if I reached out to anyone in the community with a question or challenge, or just to be heard, that any one of them would be there for me.
And it all started with one warm evening with dear friends on the streets of Paris. You never know where one conversation can go. It could lead you to find your people.
The author, a resident of the Boston suburbs in the U.S., wishes to remain anonymous until she has had the rest of her “letting in” conversations. She hopes to see her name on this piece (and maybe others!) by this time next year, but doesn’t want that to stop her from sharing and hopefully inspiring more of the community connection we all need and deserve as we unfold. She mostly credits and deeply thanks The X-Files for her bi+ identity. Find bi+ (in)visibility, the online community, on Instagram at bi_invisibility.