By Nix Carlson
I’ve hollowed myself out. All this loving, all this missing, all this holding. Rebuilt a whole commune where my organs used to live, muscles sore from renovation. A city for all of my people—where the lights stay on and there is no cold. Grew a home tucked beneath my ribs. There’s never too much of them.
I’ve sculpted my sternum into a two-story townhome for the doctor. Etched our names on the front door. I constructed shelves on every wall to hold her sapphic romances. We’ll stuff throw pillows with fights. Hang wind chimes of laughter on the front porch. I’ll take the xiphoid process. Fashion it into a wedding band—warm with her kiss. Wrap your curls around my ribs and keep you there until auburn fades gray.
For the tenor, I’ve scooped out my liver with a melon baller. I kept the remnants—saved in the icebox for the day his fails. Fashioned my fat into a pillow, ready to hold his buzzing head. The walls are painted as blue as him. We’ll turn it sunshine yellow. Tuck a secret restaurant in the back, five stars carved into the table. A standing reservation. Always stocked with Bacardi. I’ll sip from whatever cup he gives me.
I’ve made my intestines into a labyrinth for the hobbyist to explore. Stuffed raw emeralds and rubies into my duodenum. Follow the road to the right—his handpicked magic, electric vibrations. Wander the chaos. Catalog memes. We can sit together, rifle through the humors. If he finds my center, I’ve erected a warehouse for Roman-coded parties with the lights pulsing low. I’ll be the guest of honor.
My lungs are dedicated to lovers I’ve evicted from my life with an exhale. Short, staccato. Aching, legato. Their memories grow like lichen through the alveoli. Headstones crackle beneath my bones. I visit now and again, bring snow-frozen lilies. Thank them for the love they gave, the care they withheld.
I’ve cleansed myself of everything but love. Offered what was once hollow as a home.
Beams of blood, load-bearing ribs, and all my lovers.
Nix Carlson (she/they) is a queer, polyamorous, and neurodivergent poet and sign language interpreter based in Lexington, Kentucky, with strong ties to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, in the U.S. Their work has appeared or is forthcoming in Wildscape, Voicemail Poems, Orange Rose, Vellichor Literary, Broken Stone Review, Coming Up Short, Eunoia Review, and The Page Gallery, among others. You can find them on Instagram at @bynixec.