By Charlotte Poitras
Hey [name],
Remember me? We played kissing cousins in a web series as if being two hot women made this fine. Sorry, my face was so cold in winter, I was a terrible kisser and got lipstick on your nose. I used to go to your shows, when you sang in front of like 20 friends, and you said “come on, get closer” and I moved close enough, I could almost touch you on the stage to make you laugh, as if I understood it too literally.
I see you’re doing well with your 250k+ followers on Instagram and touring around the world as a singer. I sometimes comment an original compliment on your new song like:
“Oh, to be a cat living in a mansion with [name] would be the dream. They say ‘Best before’ but I say, “Even better after’” (this one got more than 700 likes) and you reply with like “Oh thank you, love you BB” and I’m like, yes, I love you too, [name]…
I once wrote you a song called “X-Tasy” about how being in love feels like a drug that we always want to get more of. It was about you, [name], you were my secret crush, and I did get an answer from you, soon-to-be-famous singer.
“Omg babe of course I remember you! [secret] I’m gonna listen to it now. Omg pleaseeee send me the lyrics typed out. I love it.”
And then, you never replied to the typed out lyrics. And you know what? That’s fine. You don’t owe me anything. I see how successful you are in your career and I don’t mind admiring you from afar. I wouldn’t date a fan either, and I don’t want to put you on a pedestal, just pretend to want to buy clothes to go to the thrift shop you used to work at when you lived in Montréal.
We usually have a celebrity crush that becomes our bisexual awakening, but rarely see our real-life crush turn out to be a celebrity.
I’m sincerely happy for you. And I guess that’s what love truly is: wanting you to be successful, even if it’s not with me. So keep at those hilarious feminist songs and those crazy outfits, I’ll keep admiring you with nothing in exchange.
Thank you for being so fucking hot you made me bisexual.
Charlotte Poitras is a queer neurodivergent artist-entrepreneur based in Montréal, Canada. Her practice is autobiographical or documentary, spanning literature, theatre, visual arts, and audiovisual work, with over one hundred publications. Her mission is to listen to the world and transmit the murmurs that society has failed to hear.