By Enjay DeGuzman
I forget how it comes up,
and I haven’t planned it,
but I say something like
I’m bi.
Sitting on the hotel bed across from
this new friend and fellow chaperone
in a double room
in another country,
our high school charges
scattered down the hall,
my pounding heart surprises me.
I’m not not out.
But it’s the first time
I say it so plainly
without hedging joking shirking
and without knowing
how my listener may react.
I feel too old for this.
I wait,
thighs bared in thin pajama shorts,
the hotel bedspread scratchy under them;
no bra.
The bedside lamps glow
weakly, and the bedsprings squeak.
Then she raises her eyebrows,
registers we’re having
A Moment.
Oh,
yeah,
I mean,
if I’m drunk and another girl is hot,
it’s on!
Enjay DeGuzman is a queer femme of Pennsylvania Dutch and Filipina descent living outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in the U.S. Beyond her work as a writer and educator, she can often be found riding horses, winging her eyeliner, and looking at trees. Find her on Instagram @enjaydeguzman.