By S.
Me: “Could we speak, please?”
Z: “Sure.”
I had never met Z before. I attended a workplace conference and heard Z speak. This beautiful radiant woman spoke at length with a lovely warm smile. As I was listening to her speak, I felt this sudden urge—I must speak with her.
What would I say? About what? “No clue” was what my head was filled with.
But, I did go on and make the request—online, given the wonderful pandemic situation. The pandemic has also brought with it, for me especially, beautiful opportunities such as this. Z was halfway across the globe as I made the request to meet.
And voila! Z accepted.
Soon Z was on full screen with her glowing face and the same bright wide smile I noticed during her session. I asked, “Z, how do you…I mean, how does one say one is bi?”
What a stupid question, I thought, so I had to explain.
Me: “Z, I have always been with men. And I am with a man even now, but I have been in relationships with women before. So—how can I say I’m bi?”
Z: “I have been married to a woman for more than 20 years now. I have been and I still am with a woman, but that does not make me any less bi.”
Me: “How can I say that? I’m with a man….”
Z: “Yes, but, that does not make you any less you.” She smiled. “Whether you choose to share this information with the world or not is completely your choice.”
Me (gulping): “Okay.”
I guess what had been troubling me was all the conversation about “coming out” and “claiming oneself.” What could one say? How could one say it—say it out loud to others?
I knew who I was or who I am—that does not trouble me. I have very much been at ease—have always been. But not coming out while supporting others to do so—wasn’t that making me two-faced?
Then why did I not say it loud?
Probably because of fear. What would people say? What would my friends say? How would my partner feel about it? I’m sure he would not be okay with my making a public declaration.
So should I? Should I not? I don’t know.
These, I guess, are some common quandaries that many of us find ourselves in. But is it really necessary to place ourselves in boxes? Do we have to label ourselves and say, “I’m this”? Just wondering out loud. I do like the concept of sexual fluidity. So, can we just be fluid? Don’t know.
But what I do know is that I can now say how I really feel. Whatever it may be: bi, pan, fluid. And I have—to a small group of peers. A small group, but I have said it out loud.
Probably because of fear. What would people say? What would my friends say? How would my partner feel about it? I’m sure he would not be okay with my making a public declaration.
So should I? Should I not? I don’t know.
These, I guess, are some common quandaries that many of us find ourselves in. But is it really necessary to place ourselves in boxes? Do we have to label ourselves and say, “I’m this”? Just wondering out loud. I do like the concept of sexual fluidity. So, can we just be fluid? Don’t know.
But what I do know is that I can now say how I really feel. Whatever it may be: bi, pan, fluid. And I have—to a small group of peers. A small group, but I have said it out loud.
I guess by now most of you regular readers have guessed who Z is. Yes, she is none other than Robyn herself.
Robyn, you have influenced me a great deal. Not that you said anything that struck lightning in my head, but something… something made sense after I spoke with you. Our conversation turned some switch in me. Your kind, patient self, responding to my seemingly stupid questions with such warmth, filled me with a lot of strength.
You, Robyn, are my role model.
Thank you so much for being you. I love you.
Love & Regards,
S.
S. works as a speaker and consultant on workplace diversity in India.